spare the rod...

I like this post on parenting by Michael Spencer (read full post). Here are his observations:

1. You want to produce a happy, healthy, productive, well-balanced human being. If, in your urgency to produce a religious child, you produce a distorted child, you’ve not been a good parent. The end doesn’t justify the means in Christian parenting.

2. All sorts of things in parenting have no relationship whatsoever to any book you’ll read or seminar you’ll attend. Parenting isn’t some mystery that can be taught be experts. When you hear an ad for someone telling you they can make your kid into a near perfect child if you’ll only buy/attend their thing, you’re being taken for a ride on your insecurities. Relax.

You’re going to mess up, screw up and make mistakes. Your family isn’t going to be that !$#$! picture on your church web site. Look at families in the Bible, especially the Old Testament. Read what Jesus said about families. This is where sin shows up. It’s where we fail and get forgiven. It’s where we get to be human and hurtful, but still belong.

A family can’t survive everything. There are limits, but determine that mistakes won’t be covered up and real life will be the canvas on which this picture is painted.

3. Show up, be there, be present, don’t leave, be predictable, be stable, be a presence. That’s not all of parenting, but it’s a lot. All kinds of people turned out really well, not because they were raised by little parenting geniuses, but because they were raised by people who were THERE in their lives. They came home. They made breakfast. They put them in bed. They didn’t chase their own hobbies and dreams at the expense of their kids. They were just there.

4. Turn off the damned television (and attendant electronic devices.) Yes, that’s “damned” for those of you monitoring me for the local authorities. Spell it right. Turn the thing off and read to your kids. Get some animals. Ride bikes. Go hiking. Plant a garden. Buy a telescope. Get dolls. Get action figures. Go on weekend drives. Learn history. Go to ball games. Just decrease the television time.

5. The family dinner table. At all costs. As much as possible. No matter what the resistance. No matter how much coordination it takes. It is, always was and always will be, the key to good family life. Talking around that table is very important. More important than church, I promise.

6. Consider seriously the wisdom of putting your children into a large church program that separates them from you into children’s worship. I believe this is the worst thing evangelicals have done in the last 50 years. Other than a very modest extended session for very small children, you should be fearful of making your children the passive participants in programs that set them in front of big screens, DVDs, stages, etc. The demise of evangelicalism is the result of specialized programing. It has very limited usefulness.

7. Loving your children is not the same as you being happy. Loving your children will mean getting into places where you are unhappy, and then asking what does it mean to love that child.